viernes, 11 de abril de 2008
El júbol pe
Tras los dichosos escándalos futbolísticos (Tenchi, los ebrios aquellos que llamamos selección, cons que no todos, etc.), la FPF, Burga (!!!), Bayly, Magaly, el Congreso e inclusola señora de la panadería de la esquina se alarmaron tanto como la posible noticia: Presidente Chávez , con 6 meses de embarazo, espera ansioso trillizos. Vamos por partes.
- Los gatos que arañan: ¡Alarma Nacional!, ¡Toque de queda!, ¡Luto Nacional!, un jugador(azo) de fútbol engañó a su esposa con una... ehm... ¿porrista? ¿mujer(zuela)? err... ella.
Estaba tranquilo en cas, con mi madre, esperando por noticias sobre el conflicto Colombo-Ecuatoriana a las 10 pm, mientras mi madre veía ATV, cuando de pronto escuche esa voz que todo el pueblo peruano conoce, incluida Laura Bosso: Magaly Medina.
- Hoy tenemos en el programa la noticia que ha estremecido al Perú (¡Genial! Veré como va lo de Ecuador, desde otro punto de vista), El escándalo del jugador de futbol: Tenchi (¡¿Qué?! ¡¿Quien es Tenchi?!, ¡¿Y ecuador?! ¡¿Él juega en Perú?!)
Mis ánimos de ver algun escandalo, sobre 20, bajaron de 10 a 2.
Como si Cristo hubiera blasfemado, el problema creció a no solo ser un problema familiar (excluyendo ser figuras públicas), sino nacional. La pobre Sara no podía ni dejar de pensar del tema, ya que a varios les llegó al Shopping Center el conflicto norteño, porque claro!, lo mas utópico del país, un jugador se acostó con alguien.
Pero fácil hubo algo raro, ya que estuvo 7 horas (¡7 horas!, ni Alessandra Rampolla duraría tanto y es obvio que no debieron estar filosofando sobre el inminente crecimiento de la capa de ozono), no dudo el que le hallan dado Rompecalzón, 7 hierbas o como se llamen esos brebajes que te ponen en 6to cambio de mecánico.
- Bien que les gusta: A 4 de nuestros todo bendecidos jugadores del plantel representante futbolístico se les dió por llamar a otras 4 señoritas para hacer su Piza-tono, cosa que escandalizó al país mucho mas que el escape de Fujimori al Japón. Y por qué? Porque perdieron. Si hubieran ganado, esto sería como que fueron a jugar Monopolio (¿alguien lo puede negar?).
No digo que esté bien lo que hicieron, pero esta bien que el Perú se cuasi-paralize porque algunos jugadores hicieron su pachanga?
Y lo peor es que el mas sufrido de todos no son los jugadores (a ellos unrábano porque les pagan en sus respectivos clubes), a la federación lo mismo mientras tengan su bolsillo lleno... el pobre hombre de todo esto es el estimado Chemo.
Pensemos, Mendoza que se falló el gol ante chile, por lo que le dicen negro malo, UltraSiete con su defensa muy dificil de pasar, Jeffrey que esta un poco de malas pero no se puede negar que juega bien, y el Piza, que realmente esta de malas, odia a los reporteros, irá al infierno, pero bien que varias veces nos hizo gritar esa disque dichosa palabra: Gol!.
Ahora ultimito, Pizarro nos salió con que el no estaba ahi, que no sabia nada, que se duermio a los 20 minutos de terminar el partido, que no comió, que su mama lo castigo y que vive en Barracones. Pero claro, el (este sí) todopoderoso UltraSiete, le hechó dedo, y mismo colegio nacional Jayo Legario, le dijo en resumen: No te hagas el pendejo que si estabas ahi.
Asi esta nuestro queridísimo deporte, a lo que alegare que nunca (gracias a dios) he ido al estadio, ningún estadio, a menos que se cuente el ADECORE de ajedrez, asi que, si por mi fuera, les metería un Super Churre como coche bomba, y un par de ticos como entrada.
Pero asi es nuestro país, y queramos o no estamos acostumbrados a esto, y también a hacer chongo por huevadas, y asi como dijo el sabio y venevolente Jose "El Puma" Carranza: Ehmm.. Err... El Júbol Pe.
Proximamente: Las Locuras de Manco (porqué carajos no me hice jugador de futbol?)
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